Coral Ridley .
Portsmouth Uni - BA Photography
I have this new theory. I have always said that before you can let someone else into your life as a boyfriend or girlfriend you must love yourself and be happy in your own company. Looking at my past relationships. The most successful ones were in parts of my life that were happy and I was confident in myself.
The last few years I have become very down and unconfident and generally a fun sponge.
How can I expect anyone to love me if I dont even love myself?
SOOOO I’m doing a new thing were I date myself for a while. Make myself love me again.
Sounds strange but its working! I’m starting to calm down and relax a bit more now.
I just went for a long walk down the beach, through the rose gardens and by Southsea swan lake, listening to upbeat music and watching the sun come up and feeding the birds.
I’m going to try and do these little me dates once a week where I just hang out with myself for a while, think about things, relax and think of ideas for my project without a computer and emails screaming at me to write essays or edit photos.
A meditation for the soul :)
I am feeling extremely down and depressed at the moment. Maybe even enough to go to a doctors and try and get some kind of help before it affects my uni work.
I’ve felt like this since Kurt beat me up at Easter. Has he apologised yet? Do you think he will?
My trust in people has plumetted. I feel I am in a constant bad mood. Snapping and being nasty to people. Feeling as if I am not myself anymore and instead a bitchy and horrible version of myself.
On one hand I feel the world is against me and that everyone is having little digs and nasty jibes at me. But on the other hand I know this is ridiculous.
I find myself randomly flashing back to when he punched and hit me and when he strangled me. All it takes is something as small as my dress to rub against my neck for me to have a horrible flashback and become a snotty mess again.
I feel extremely lonely. Anyone I try to talk to pushes my problems aside and wants to talk about their own. making themselves the priority. All I want to do is have one rant. Where at the end of it someones just like. You know what Coral its fine because I care.
Uni work is very much on top of me too. I felt I was doing well I had done a few photoshoots and plenty of words in my dissertation. But my tutor is so critical that it makes me want to just give up. I want constructive criticism not the crap they come out with.
What did you get in uni? How did everything go because at the moment it feels like everything is gunna be shit.
I feel like just one nice and good thing would cheer me up enough to kick myself back into a fully functioning person again.
Has all this changed?
Has Kurt apologized?
Have you been to the docs?
Did you do well in university?
You havn’t smoked in 6 weeks are you still not smoking?
Your mum had a stroke hows she doing now?
Love Coral 10/11/13